HALP! - Two days late!

Fellow Anonymous, I come to you seeking guidance.  My girlfriend and I were on her couch making out and her brothers were asleep.  Eventually she asked if I wanted to go lay down in her bed with her. NAKED. Of course I agreed and so we stumbled into her room with out tongues still in each others mouths.  When we got to her room she shut her door and we started undressing.  Eventually we were under her covers and we were still making out. Foreplay ensued.  In the aftermath of our foreplay an item was left inside of an orefice long enough for seepage to occur.  In layman's terms, my wee-wee was inside of her va-jay-jay long enough for pre-cum to form.  Some may have remained inside and we now fear she is pregnant.  She's two days late.  How do I handle this situation?  InB4 Falcon Punch and/or pooper. 

it's very unlikely to get some skank prego with pre-cum.  Pre-cum has very little if any sperm in it.  Pre-cum is produced by glands in the urethra.  Odds are this little whore is just doing a dress-rehearsal for when she really DOES intentionally get knocked up.  She's trying to gauge your reaction.

That being said, it sounds like you and your ho girlfriend are NOT responsible enough to do what you're doing.  Listen to me, little boy, they sell these things called CONDOMs at your local drug-store or convenience-mart and they work quite well when used properly.

Oh, and "I'm in love" is NOT something that should be in your vocabulary until you are at least 25.  Any time a child such as yourself says "I'm in love" it really means "I'm so desperate for sex I'll practically kill myself to get it."  Guys like you end up RUINING their lives because you're too much of a pussy-boy to wrangle sluts properly and end up being 'OOPSed' by some girl that wants to pop out a baybee to piss of her parents or whatever.

So, kido, MAN UP and get some game so you can bang these sluts without falling in 'love' with them first.  And use a condom EVERY FUCKING TIME, NO FUCKING EXCEPTIONS.  If the bitch says 'oh i'm alergic to latex' or 'DON'T WORRY, I'M ON THE PILL' or 'I WANT TO FEEEEEEL YOU' or whatever, you move on to your next victim.  Got it?  I bet you were raised by mommy, or your daddy is a real pussy.

If you knock up some girl, at a minimum you will be looking at 18 FUCKING YEARS of child support payments and you will want to kill yourself.

Let's do some math:

typical support payment for low-income loser: $400/mo
multiply by 12 months: $4,800.00 per year
multiply by 18 years: $86,400 <---
And this doesn't count all your wasted TIME and AGGRAVATION dealing with some fat pig who is 'your baby mommy'.  And this doesn't count paying for your child's education (of course you wouldn't do that).

Is it worth it?  Are you that fucking lame?  (probably)

Oh well, see you behind the counter at McDonalds or maybe reshingling my roof in 5 years LOSER.