Phantom Dumper

There has been animosity between my family and the one next door from the outset. The petty bickering started when we moved in, and continues day after day. As the fattest child in my family, I took it upon myself to wreak some retribution on our neighbors, and I chose sh1t as my weapon.

About once a quarter I would sneak over the hedge separating the properties and take a dump in their driveway, under cover of darkness. I was amazed at the size of the produce when it wasn't in its usual porcelain surroundings.

In the next day or so, the family would emerge from their house, wrinkle their noses and spy the big pile of sh1t. John (the man of the house) usually took it upon himself to cover it up, as you would a corpse, presumably to stop it from scaring the children and ruining his wife's hairdo.

My dad and I thought it was absolutely hilarious and the topic was often mulled at family meal time conversations. Although, I never let on that I was the culprit, despite some pointed accusations...


Well, at least I didn't go round and pop a cap in his ass like you crazy yanks. We are much more civilized in Canada.

>>1
This is a very civilized solution to the problem, but others may not see it to be so and these accusations will eventually gain strength and it is important that you make it obvious that it couldn't possible be you. This is what you should do to take the heat off you.

First, take a shit in their driveway like you usually do, but when they take notice of it in the morning you should walk across to their property and ask what happened. When they state the obvious you should act disgusted and offer to clean it up for them to appear to be a good neighbor. Upon their approval just get on you knees and start stuff that monstrous brownie down you throat. Make gurgling noises and spread it all over your face. Make sure that most of it gets in your mouth though and swallow a good percent of it.

This serves three purposes:
1) You are a very good neighbor and make an effort to be cordial and thus eliminates you from being the culprit.
2) You get a tasty meal.
3) You get some fuel to help you "make" later on that night.

Good luck and happy shit eating!