I JUST ENJURED MYSELF ON A VACCUME

so i read on websites that people use vaccum pumps to enlarge their penis right?? well i got out the vacuume cleaner and put my penis in the hose pump. It sucked my penis and bals in so hard and instantly i fell to the ground in pain and sumbled to un plug it from the wall. GOD IT HURTS SO BAD !!!!!!!

i have tears on my penis and my ball sack. I am bleeding out of my penis head

my testicles fell like htye have been twisted and ripped out of place I AM IN SO MUCH ****** PAIN
i think one ball is disconnected because it is hanging down lower in my sack and movieng everywhere

MY STOMACH AND EVERYTHING HURTS SO BAD AND I AM STOPPING THE BLEEDING WITH TOILET PAPER WRAPPED AROUND!!! PLZ HELP WHAT DO I DO

I CNAT TELL MY PARENTS ABOUT THIS SOMEONE PLEASE HELP

If you really had your testicles twisted around you would of passed out from the pain by now

roll this shit into mordor

OK, first, go outside.  See that large oak tree nearby?  If not, find one.  Walk around it until you see a hole.  This is where the tree lets out it's sap.  Take the sap, put it on your injuries, return to the vacuum, and then try to reattach any lost skin. Then, wait until your mother comes home.  When she enters thedoor, stick it in her pooper.

I wouldn't be too concerned.  This happens to every boy sooner or later, and has happened since Roman times.

except the romans used donkeys

No vaccum sucks that much you probably got all excited and didn't use a hose attachment. But you don't have to take my word for it. I'm inexperienced in this.

Read the short story, Guts, by Chuck Palahniuk in his book, "Haunted."

That'll tell you better ways to jack off.

Pearl diving is my favorite.