Name: Anonymous 2007-02-18 3:32
I need to write this whole confusing tale for someone before I do something horrible.
I’m ruining my life one stupid, conscious mistake at a time.
I need dire assistance to know how to handle this please before I make it worse!!
I have been dating my boyfriend now for nine months. It has been rocky and smooth at times. At the worse, he has made me feel like I can no longer be anything but happy around him from fear he might argue with me. It has become very hard to see him on a day to day basis as I do, forcing myself to feel a way I don’t.
The cause?
I did a bad thing I never should have.
I made the choice between trusting him and being ignorant and being suspicious and following my hunches.
I did the second.
I logged on his email, yes, while he was in the shower. He has been exchanging messages with a girl he had told me was his COUSIN. But I see things like “Hey sexy, j/k” and “wish I could have met you before I left."
I was upset.
I didn’t confront him that I knew this but he did figure out I had checked, so I was assuming he knew?
I was expecting an explanation and got nothing but a fight about trust, which I deserved.
After that it has become very hard for me to feel like I can show my emotions around him feeling that anything I do beyond “happy” will cause him to break up with me.
His friend has since then come into the picture. We have been very good friends for awhile and lately we have talked more and he tells me things that make me feel good about myself.
This night we both admitted we still liked each other and I feel horribly guilty. Even though my boyfriend’s thoughts are off with some other girl, I should never have let mine stray.
It’s the worse feeling.
I’m totally lost.
I can’t lose my love for 9 months over the guy. But, at the same time, can I got another 9 months of misery when this other offers what mine isn’t?
I’m so ashamed…I didn’t kiss him, I didn’t have sex with him, I didn’t even hug him or say I love you. Just I like him. But it feels like I did all of those…
It would be easier if I were dead. But I’m not that drastic yet.
I’m not sure my relationship can handle another problem at this stage…
I feel like I could actually be happy with my friend if he dated…
But…I love my boyfriend.
I like my friend.
There’s a difference.
Hah…I’m posting on 4chan because I’m such a loser…
I’m ruining my life one stupid, conscious mistake at a time.
I need dire assistance to know how to handle this please before I make it worse!!
I have been dating my boyfriend now for nine months. It has been rocky and smooth at times. At the worse, he has made me feel like I can no longer be anything but happy around him from fear he might argue with me. It has become very hard to see him on a day to day basis as I do, forcing myself to feel a way I don’t.
The cause?
I did a bad thing I never should have.
I made the choice between trusting him and being ignorant and being suspicious and following my hunches.
I did the second.
I logged on his email, yes, while he was in the shower. He has been exchanging messages with a girl he had told me was his COUSIN. But I see things like “Hey sexy, j/k” and “wish I could have met you before I left."
I was upset.
I didn’t confront him that I knew this but he did figure out I had checked, so I was assuming he knew?
I was expecting an explanation and got nothing but a fight about trust, which I deserved.
After that it has become very hard for me to feel like I can show my emotions around him feeling that anything I do beyond “happy” will cause him to break up with me.
His friend has since then come into the picture. We have been very good friends for awhile and lately we have talked more and he tells me things that make me feel good about myself.
This night we both admitted we still liked each other and I feel horribly guilty. Even though my boyfriend’s thoughts are off with some other girl, I should never have let mine stray.
It’s the worse feeling.
I’m totally lost.
I can’t lose my love for 9 months over the guy. But, at the same time, can I got another 9 months of misery when this other offers what mine isn’t?
I’m so ashamed…I didn’t kiss him, I didn’t have sex with him, I didn’t even hug him or say I love you. Just I like him. But it feels like I did all of those…
It would be easier if I were dead. But I’m not that drastic yet.
I’m not sure my relationship can handle another problem at this stage…
I feel like I could actually be happy with my friend if he dated…
But…I love my boyfriend.
I like my friend.
There’s a difference.
Hah…I’m posting on 4chan because I’m such a loser…