Help /lounge, I love my sister

Over the past year I've been trying to lie to myself, to think on something else, even got laid and tried to fall in love with other girls, anything but admitting what I, deep down inside, already knew.

I love my sister. Not in the way most brothers love their sisters, but in the way a man loves a woman. Not because of some silly fetish either; when I say love, I mean real, "I'll go to the end of the world for you" love.

My sister is only one year younger than me, making her 20, and currently doesn't have a boyfriend. She's pretty, at least to my eyes, but this is not fueling this. It's her personality. I like no other girl this much. We always had a lot of chemistry,  it's as if we were engineered to be together. Only we happened to share our parents. I'm sure if we had been born in different families, we would be the happiest couple in the world right now.

Lately, I realized I could not give up on this, but I'm kind of scared. I know this is fucked up. But I don't know what to do. I've been avoiding her for a couple of weeks, and this is causing her suffering, which in turn breaks my heart. I don't know if I should confess my love and face the consequences of experiencing a kind of love that's considered unacceptable in our society, even from her, or just let it pass and die inside.

Help me /lounge, what should I do? I think she may be feeling something similar for me becuase we are very close and she considers me attractive, but I don't know to what extent this may only be wishful thinking on my part. Knowing her, I'm sure she won't be angry at me if I tell her how I feel, but I don't know for sure if she'll feel the same about me. I'm positive our parents and everybody else in our family and community will oppose such love, but if she loves me, I'm willing to face all of them or move to some other country to start a new life with her. But I wouldn't want to put pressure on her or make her feel uneasy, so while I think I should confess, I'm not 100% sure and I don't know to what extent what I think is distorted by my strong affection for her.

Guys, I'll tell you how it went. You deserve it for your support.

I had spent a good part of the Christmas day thinking on how to tell her. Finally, I decided to be simple and straight to the point, which is how we always tell things to each other. It would be the most honest, direct, and quick way to tell her, with no room for doubt or screw-ups, as I'd be very nervous when telling her.

In the evening, I discretely told my sister to come outside with me because I had something to tell her. In the porch, I took her hands, looked into her eyes, and simply said "I love you". She was smiling, but she was starting to make a "So?" face. So I added, "not only as a brother, but in the way a man loves a woman". At that point her smile slowly faded out but she kept a normal look on her face. She asked me, "what do you mean?", so I decided to elaborate some more to be sure she got the right message. I told her I love her as a woman, and that over the past year I slowly fell in love with her, not for one particular thing, but for the sum of all the great small everyday things in our great relationship. I told her that I tried to ignore this feeling, but utterly failed, and that ultimately, it can't be that bad if it's love, despite how unconventional it may be. She stayed serious and paused for a few seconds to think, but didn't look mad. After what seemed like an eternity, she said she didn't know what to think or do, and that she needed some time to consider it. She went inside but I stayed outside for a while.

At this point I was nervous as hell and felt like having a thunderstorm in my stomach, but I was moderately happy that she didn't flat out reject me. All I could do is wait, so I did. We didn't talk until dinner, and it didn't feel awkward because our whole family was at home, you know, Christmas gathering.

At dinner, she did something unusual. She sat right next to me, which she rarely did. It didn't look strange because we had more people for dinner than usual, but I still noticed it. However, we didn't talk except for the typical hand over this and that.

But right after finishing, she told me to go to the porch. I felt like a man waiting for his veredict; I don't remember if I was trembling when I followed her outside.

When we closed the door, she smiled, and for a second I thought I was in heaven, but just as fast as I did, she said she's not sure if she can correspond me. Then she added that she was not mad or anything, but that it caught her by surprise. She said something along the lines of "I would lie if I said I never considered you as more than a brother, even if only for a second, but you have to admit getting into a serious relationship with my brother is a bit weird". After a few seconds, I opened my mouth to say I understand it, but she rushed to say that she would give it a try and try to not see me as her brother, because if I said that to her earlier I must have been feeling something strong and I had to have a good reason for it, or something like that. I asked her what does that mean, and she said it'd be something like a trial period, more for her than for me, to see if she could see me that way. Then she kissed me on my cheek, and said good night.

I was confused, analyzing what she just said. Did that just mean she accepted? At least she was not freaked out and she had a positive attitude towards it, so I thanked Santa. I I was drained from the emotional rollercoaster I had just experienced, that's why I didn't go online and posted here.

Today we were acting normally around our parents, as if nothing had happened, but then she proposed me to go out. What? Had she asked me out? Part of me still coudln't believe what I was hearing. And being my good sister, she was bold and direct, with no excuses or anything, just "go out". We just walked and talked about a little of this, a little of that, and then she took my hand and said "So, is this our first date?" I was petrified for a second, then I almost cried of happiness. We went to the centre and did everything you have in your typical light date; park, some drinks, etc. We were talking about anything, just like always, only we were out walking with no purpose other than doing it. It was great.

Back home, before entering the house, she told me she had fun and that our relationship might work after all, we'd have to see. Then she kissed me on the cheek again, and said something like still feeling awkward about mouth kissing but progressing towards it, then went inside quickly.

And now I'm here, writing this mega tl;dr post on /lounge. I'm so happy I could cry. It turned out better than I thought it would, and now I'm dating the woman of my dreams. She's everything I like in a woman, and everything I like in my gaming buddies. I love her so much I could shit hearts. Thank you /lounge for your support, thank you Santa, thank you all, just for being part of the world my sister lives in. I'll keep you updated.