When will I cry?

So here's the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down.  Since I've been twelve or thirteen I've had a life changing revelation and decided to be gruff and manly.  No longer would I cry, but instead swear and grit my teeth, manly-like.  Now, the unaccounted-for consequence of this is that a couple times each year, I feel depressed and really do want to cry--but I can't.  Tears won't flow, eyes won't water, these wounds they will not heeaaaaaaaallllll.

Am I broken, lounge?

Update: I just got home and, tired from having woken up at Four AM for no discernable reason, collapsed into a chair doing dry sobs while saying "fuck" over and over.  No tears yet.