Yesterday was a good day. A very good day.

The work day ended at 3pm - check

I went to Happy Hour with my girlfriend at about 3:30pm - check

Dealt with her stupid friends well, probably a mistake. - uncheck

Got my girlfriend drunk on saki - check

Went to her apartment and had sex - check

Came back to the house, and the entire afterstory is bullshit. What the fuck am I doing here?

I hope you and your girlfriend are close if you're in the U.S., because if she decides those last two checks were rape she's well within her rights. Alcohol legally nullifies consent.