ITT: Typical stupid American tourists

After spending a lovely week in Japan, where food is cheap, tipping non-existent, customer service is top notch, and people are the politest in the world, I knew it wouldn't take long to feel irritated by the US.

Little did I know it would begin as soon as the plane landed.

Some fellow sitting just behind me, literally the second the plane hit the tarmac, pulls out his mobile, and calls his friend.

[irritating So-Cal accent] "Hey Brad? Brad? Yeah it's Chad. I just got in. Yeah, the plane just landed. Yeah, Japan was greaaaat. It was so cool - like, we went to these amazing places that nobody knew about. Well we first went to tourist places, which sucked, but you know, after that, we did the most amazing things. Like I hired a motorbike and did burnouts at a Shinto temple, and then I, oh what? You've got to go? Alright, see ya man." <brief pause> "Hey Sarah? Yeah it's Chad. I just landed."

Repeat right up to customs where thankfully they were blocking phone signals. Grargh.

So it's now been a few days and I find myself witness to a world of annoyances. It's also kind of scary actually. Particularly after Japan where there is no graffiti, no litter, no shouting or rudeness, just a clean, orderly society with very little crime. I love that. Meanwhile I get to the US and I feel my mere presence may set someone off to the point of homicide. Never mind the sheer irritation of having someone who just got off the Jerry Springer stage sitting behind you in every type of public transport you get on.

I am sure my list of grievances will continue to be well documented here.

lol, Americans overseas are the WORST!

So here I am standing on top of the ruins of Caligula's palace in the Forum in Rome. From there I can see Circus Maximus behind me and almost all of the Forum in front of me. So much history, almost the entire "known" world was once ruled from here. My attention is caught by the sound of a loud middle aged American gentleman

"Hey Mavis (not her real name) come here come here, quick" he shouts

Mavis waddles over.

"Look, look down there" he continues

So me and numerous others up there are now extremely curious as to what he's pointing at "down there"

So a small crowd including myself has now gathered along side him and Mavis. They are looking down a sort of large skylight into a courtyard below. An inner courtyard of sorts, inside the old palace.

I wonder what it is, perhaps a sculpture of Mars, or a golden chariot Caligula once road along the Via Apia.

Oh no nothing as mundane as that...

"Look Mavis, a lizard, they have Lizards here too"

Oh for fucks sake