Hikikomori (ひきこもり)

What can I say?
I, being a hikikomori, for so as long as I can tell, I don't have much experience in dealing with people, much less with the opposite sex. I've learn most of the things from others experiences by reading and watching shows which give me ideas and social rules which underlies the social system. But recently I've watched an anime called Rozen Maiden, and there are some moments in the show that touched me. I remember a character from the anime called Shinku said along the lines of, "To live is to fight....". That phrase made me angry and I want to do something in my life to change the way people think. I'm angry at myself for doing nothing like I'm a coward hiding away from mainstream of society. Being stuck in the room for so long, I know it won't be so easy to re-intergrate to society since I don't know anyone. To you a bit more about myself, in fact, I work at very low paying job, because I drop out of school due to personal issues and problems, I ran away and hide in my room, I fear I will be ridiculed for my set of problems, and also the fact that I was bullied terribly and others treatedly me with no respect and low type of person, no matter what, they treated differently than others, are what my experiences are in the past. The fact I have a disabilty is a great contributor to my shut in and general shyness, a disability in communication or the difficulty in expressing oneself in words, and having trouble forming sentences structure or finding words in my head. So when I speak I have trouble forming my thoughts and expressions, couples with little stuttering, with many intervals of silence and repeatition of sames words, and pronouniciation is bit off, thus making conversations unbearable by the listener. Hence, I was embarrassed and I have fear to talk and communicate with others. When they find out the way I talk so incoherently and out of flow, I got the impression that they may think I'm mentally challenged which seems reasonable. So I sincerely hope that most of you should communicate with others since you have the ability to do so, unlike me, even though I want to, due to this communication expression disability, I'm not capable to do it. I think having friend is a great thing, and you should cherish it ever you can. If not you can at least talk your way through them to find one, which I'm envious of those who do. Just yesterday, I found myself depressed heavily, so I muster the courage to go out. I live in Australia, I know most of you live in US, it's rare for me to go out other than going to work, but this time considering I've watched Shuffle and was depressed after finishing it, reminds me of how lonely I am. I went to arcade to watch people play games and everyone is in a group and having fun while I was alone looking at them, it feels this is somewhat familiar to me from long time ago, the sentiment feeling. But I'm glad that they understand and try to not alienate me becaue i got the impression that they know my situation seeing though it's unusual to be alone in such a place. But I'm grateful.

What can I say?
I, being a hikikomori, for so as long as I can tell, I don't have much experience in dealing with people, much less with the opposite sex. I've learn most of the things from others experiences by reading and watching shows which give me ideas and social rules which underlies the social system. But recently I've watched an anime called Rozen Maiden, and there are some moments in the show that touched me. I remember a character from the anime called Shinku said along the lines of, "To live is to fight....". That phrase made me angry and I want to do something in my life to change the way people think. I'm angry at myself for doing nothing like I'm a coward hiding away from mainstream of society. Being stuck in the room for so long, I know it won't be so easy to re-intergrate to society since I don't know anyone. To you a bit more about myself, in fact, I work at very low paying job, because I drop out of school due to personal issues and problems, I ran away and hide in my room, I fear I will be ridiculed for my set of problems, and also the fact that I was bullied terribly and others treatedly me with no respect and low type of person, no matter what, they treated differently than others, are what my experiences are in the past. The fact I have a disabilty is a great contributor to my shut in and general shyness, a disability in communication or the difficulty in expressing oneself in words, and having trouble forming sentences structure or finding words in my head. So when I speak I have trouble forming my thoughts and expressions, couples with little stuttering, with many intervals of silence and repeatition of sames words, and pronouniciation is bit off, thus making conversations unbearable by the listener. Hence, I was embarrassed and I have fear to talk and communicate with others. When they find out the way I talk so incoherently and out of flow, I got the impression that they may think I'm mentally challenged which seems reasonable. So I sincerely hope that most of you should communicate with others since you have the ability to do so, unlike me, even though I want to, due to this communication expression disability, I'm not capable to do it. I think having friend is a great thing, and you should cherish it ever you can. If not you can at least talk your way through them to find one, which I'm envious of those who do. Just yesterday, I found myself depressed heavily, so I muster the courage to go out. I live in Australia, I know most of you live in US, it's rare for me to go out other than going to work, but this time considering I've watched Shuffle and was depressed after finishing it, reminds me of how lonely I am. I went to arcade to watch people play games and everyone is in a group and having fun, and all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school. When a couple of guys who were up to no good, Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared, and said "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air." I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, The license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, But I thought "Nah forget it, Yo home to Bel Air." I pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabby "Yo holmes, smell ya later." Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.