The Love Which Never Bore Fruit

Well, how to start. I don't know if this is the sort of thing we can talk about here, but oh well.

A few years ago when I was 14 (I'm 18 now), I met a girl named Heather. I didn't have any sort of normal relationship with my parents and had few friends, and I hadn't been loved by my family. So, meeting this kind and thoughtful girl (who was 16 at the time) was a dream come true. Even my father treating me badly seemed like a minor inconvenience because Heather made everything better. Despite my being young, I knew that I was in love with her. I had felt lust and passion before but this was distinctly different, I wanted to be with her forever.

And finally, something I had been dreading happened. My controlling father forbid me to have any contact with Heather whatsoever. This experience, needless to say, devastated me and in fact change my entire world outlook. But that's another story. For a long, long time I waited for Heather. Eventually I contacted her again, but by this time an old friend had convinced her to be with him. However, her and I stayed friends (and are to this day).

After this old friend cheated on and abused her a few months later, she left him. I wasn't able to talk with her for a month or two, but by the time I was again she was with a really nice guy, Steve. She is still with him today, and I think their relationship is fairly serious (even though she doesn't see him very often). I think she is happy with him, and I wouldn't want to ruin someone else's good relationship. Which brings me to my question.

What should I do about this situation? I love this girl so much, guys. It's not something I can really describe. These past few years my thoughts have constantly turned to her and other relationships I've tried being in have not worked out at all. They just weren't real compared to being with Heather. They paled in comparison. Any advice on how to handle this, would be appreciated.

Dude, even though >>26 is right, stop and think for a second.

If you feel so strongly about someone but can't be happy that they found someone they really like, then what is it really based on? If she's happy, you are. Even if she's not with you.

So all you should care about is her happiness. If you can do that for her, give it to her. If someone else comes along and makes her happy, be glad that she found them. If you're still feeling funny about it, get over the damn hormnones. Reason and logic will spell it out for you what is right for her, anything else is just a fucking instinct about sex. Don't try and lie to yourself about that.

I'm in partially the same situation as you. One girl swears she's in love with me and would marry me someday, but she's just not like the other girl I knew. It doesn't matter one bit how I "feel" towards either of them. I use my head instead of my dick, even though it tells me to be jealous of the girl I really loved. Unlike emos and 13 year olds though I'm old enough to understand the difference and I think you're almost there too.

Be good to her. Eventually she might get tired of falling for the good looking guys who cheat on her. When she grows up she'll see the difference, but it seriously takes a long time to learn that lesson. Like years man. And don't bombarde her with feelings of wanting to be together forever, that could scare her away if she hasn't 'grown up' yet. Just say that you care about her and that you will always love her, and then tell her the reasons why, like what she did for you.

Leave it up to her to grow up, but know that many people are stupid and will end up marrying some bastard and divorce him later. Shit happens because people are stubborn and immature even when they are 25 years old.