Just ramble about this and that.

Haven't you had any interesting experience recently
or haven't you read anything impressive article in a
newspaper or a book?
Anyhow what's on your mind now?
Talking to yourself is also OK. 
 

I want to kill myself.
Last week, I went to a party where most graduate students for the local secondary upper schools had gathered (but since I'm an apprentice, I couldn't be a graduate student like them.)
I brought my own drink, got drunk, and started partying. I was invited by a girl to dance with her, and I got hold of her name.
But I spent just some few hours at the party, even though it was supposed to be an all-night party. I wish I could have spent more time there, but this was not possible for me, the only way I could've done this was by being eligible for that party, in other words, being a graduate student myself. But I'm tired of regular school life (this is why I decided to become an apprentice, after all), the gymnastic classes, the homework, the tests, the teachers. Aah, it sounds so excruciating. The first thing that have made me so depressed, that I want to kill myself, is this small amount of time I've spent on the party.

Ok, back to the girl I mentioned. Or maybe we should look at my love life. I've loved some girls. I've liked many girls. I've been interested in a lot of girls. But I've never had any girlfriend. I've never know if there is some girl that had loved/liked/been interested in me. In my last years of school, there were never a single girl in my classes. This had alienated me from the other sex. I have no female friends. God... that makes me even more depressed.
Anyways, about that girl, I managed to find her contact information by looking up her name, I found a mobile phone number, but I figured I couldn't just call her. Then I remembered that my family had a mobile phone, easy, I could just send her a text message. So I did, and I awaited for the response. There is still no response. Not one call, not one text message, just nothing.
This and a lot of other reasons, is making me feel downright miserable. I have no escape from this horrible prison as I feel it. I feel that those who take suicide are losers, taking the easy way out, but I understand them. I feel I want to cut my wrists, slash my throat, open my stomach. My whole youth is wasted.