Name: Anonymous 2012-12-15 15:44
Welcome to Reach, heart of the UNSC's dental power and home to the iconic Spartan super brushes. For decades, humanity has fled from the relentless Cavity threat, but now the largest Cavity ever witnessed looms in the darkened corners of the mouth. Noble Team, equipped with a deadly arsenal of high tech dental equipment and knowledge, must stand and face a full scale oral invasion with humanity's fate hanging desperately in the balance. If Reach falls, little will stand between the Cavity and the complete and total annihilation of the human jaw. General Masseter has informed me that you will be stationed here.
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Master Chief: Hey there, kiddo, boring old history textbooks getting you down? Wouldn't you rather be doing
something wonderful and fun? Wouldn't you like to defeat an armada of evil invaders out to corrupt and destroy all
that is pure, in a never ending conflict ? No, I'm not talking about the Covenant armada from my Halo video game
series, I'm talking about a real battle happening everyday… in your mouth; in your teeth!
Gum disease affects the species as a whole. It ruins lives. It destroys families. It sinks ships. No living creature on
our great planet is safe from it. Have you ever seen a Gravemind's mouth? It's a war crime, begging for a 12-gauge
teeth cleaning! What's sad about this crisis is that there are those who don't want to fight. They don't think it's a big
deal. They are the ones destroying hope for our race! An army marches on its teeth; an the fate of the universe
depends on the marching of pearly whites! Teeth is needed to chew MREs! Pull out bullets from your armor without
letting go of your weapon! Bite down on Grunts as a secondary attack! These are military strategies that can be
easily brought down by neglecting important military dental procedures, like flossing!
Maybe you're thinking: Master Chief, what is so fun about dental hygiene? Dental hygiene is boring! Why do you
even care? All very good questions… that are likely to get you beat up by Master Chief and taunted by his hot
supermodel A.I.
Fighting plaque is both rewarding and fun! With good dental hygiene habits, like brushing after every meal and
flossing, plaque can be destroyed easily and with no consequence since plaque is a soulless hive-mind of
destruction. And since game violence is becoming more introspective these days, because "Spec Ops" is a party
pooper, you'll be happy to completely obliterate plaque and commit war crimes in your mouth without the feeling of
guilt that comes with thinking that you just destroyed a happy family with minty-fresh white phosphorous, spoiler
alert.
So get to it marine! Brush your teeth everyday! Twice a day! Clean the mouth anyway you can! There are plenty of
options at your disposal! Electric toothbrushes, alcohol-free mouthwash, minty toothpicks… I even used a belt
sander once. Extreme you say? Not an option worth taking? Well, son, in the face of
gingivitis, EVERY option is preferred! So are you ready? Are you ready for…. HALO: TOTAL REACH? ARE YOU?!
THEN TAKE THIS BRUSH AND FINISH THE FIGHT AGAINST PLAQUE BUILD-UP!
______________________________________________
Master Chief: Hey there, kiddo, boring old history textbooks getting you down? Wouldn't you rather be doing
something wonderful and fun? Wouldn't you like to defeat an armada of evil invaders out to corrupt and destroy all
that is pure, in a never ending conflict ? No, I'm not talking about the Covenant armada from my Halo video game
series, I'm talking about a real battle happening everyday… in your mouth; in your teeth!
Gum disease affects the species as a whole. It ruins lives. It destroys families. It sinks ships. No living creature on
our great planet is safe from it. Have you ever seen a Gravemind's mouth? It's a war crime, begging for a 12-gauge
teeth cleaning! What's sad about this crisis is that there are those who don't want to fight. They don't think it's a big
deal. They are the ones destroying hope for our race! An army marches on its teeth; an the fate of the universe
depends on the marching of pearly whites! Teeth is needed to chew MREs! Pull out bullets from your armor without
letting go of your weapon! Bite down on Grunts as a secondary attack! These are military strategies that can be
easily brought down by neglecting important military dental procedures, like flossing!
Maybe you're thinking: Master Chief, what is so fun about dental hygiene? Dental hygiene is boring! Why do you
even care? All very good questions… that are likely to get you beat up by Master Chief and taunted by his hot
supermodel A.I.
Fighting plaque is both rewarding and fun! With good dental hygiene habits, like brushing after every meal and
flossing, plaque can be destroyed easily and with no consequence since plaque is a soulless hive-mind of
destruction. And since game violence is becoming more introspective these days, because "Spec Ops" is a party
pooper, you'll be happy to completely obliterate plaque and commit war crimes in your mouth without the feeling of
guilt that comes with thinking that you just destroyed a happy family with minty-fresh white phosphorous, spoiler
alert.
So get to it marine! Brush your teeth everyday! Twice a day! Clean the mouth anyway you can! There are plenty of
options at your disposal! Electric toothbrushes, alcohol-free mouthwash, minty toothpicks… I even used a belt
sander once. Extreme you say? Not an option worth taking? Well, son, in the face of
gingivitis, EVERY option is preferred! So are you ready? Are you ready for…. HALO: TOTAL REACH? ARE YOU?!
THEN TAKE THIS BRUSH AND FINISH THE FIGHT AGAINST PLAQUE BUILD-UP!