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HI, I'M KEN HOANG, CEO AND FOUNDER OF MARTH. WHEN I'M NOT KNAVISHLY NAILING NUBILE, NAKED NYMPHS WITH MY 36 INCH SWORD, I'M MAKING MONEY BY MEANDERING MY MAN-MEAT INTO THE DECADENT WORLD OF SMASH TOURNAMENTS. BETWEEN THE RAMPANT RAPINGS OF ORNERY OPPONENTS AND THE SERVICING OF MY SALACIOUS SWARM OF FANGIRLS, MY GIGANTIC JORDANIAN RIVER OF SEED FLOWS FREELY AT THESE EVENTS. MY SKILLS ARE SO SOLID THAT I COULD PLEASURE EVEN THE MOST PRUDENT MADEMOISELLE FROM A DISTANCE OF 5 YARDS WITH ONLY A CABLED CONTROLLER. AT THE CHAMP COMBO, I WILL DEFEAT EVERYONE IN SINGLES SWIFTLY. MEW2KING, WHO HAS USURPED MY THRONE WILL BE DETHRONED. HE IS UNTO ROBESPIERRE, AND I, UNDEAD LOUIS XVI. HE WILL REMOVE THE KING FROM HIS NAME. KOREANDJ WILL FALL, FOR I HAVE DABBLED IN DISC-JOCKEYING IN MY RETIREMENT, AND NOW WILL BE ABLE TO TAP INTO HIS INTERNAL RHYTHM TO MINDGGAME HIM. I WILL THEN PROCEED TO DOMINATE HIM IN A DISC-JOCKEYING DUEL AND HE, IN HIS SHAME, WILL REMOVE DJ FROM HIS NAME. PC CHRIS, MY RETICENT REGENT, I WILL NOT BATTLE. HOWEVER, HE WILL REMOVE PC FROM HIS NAME, AS HE IS NEITHER TECH SAVVY NOR MILD-MANNERED, AS A CERTAIN GENTLEMEN POINTED OUT. FINALLY, I ARRIVE AT AZEN, MY MOST RESPECTED RIVAL. ALL I CAN PROMISE IS THIS: THE MATCH WILL BE SO GOOD THAT EVERY MAN, WOMAN, AND GOAT WILL ORGASM TO THIS MATCH AT LEAST ONCE. I GUARANTEE IT