Does Ubuntu Linux have x-ray vision?

Since it's a nigger distro and niggers have x-ray vision, then ubuntu surely must have x ray vision.

I can personally attest to the fact that it does.  I installed Ubuntu on a laptop with builtin webcam earlier this summer.  At first it seemed like any other OS.  Now, Linux has a reputation for poor webcam support, so I didn't expect much, but to my suprise, the webcam worked perfectly.  I have to admit I'm a bit of a camwhore, so I took numerous pictures of myself for those first couple of weeks.  Anyway, about the end of the third week, I noticed that the colors on the pictures I'd taken had started to shift.  I tried to fix them up with the GIMP, but they just kept shifting back.  I eventually gave up.  One night I was browsing 4chan when all of a sudden the image viewer pops up and starts displaying my pictures, only they are all x-rays now.  When it gets to a shot I took of my genitals, it stops.  I see an unusually dark lump on one of my testicles.  I close the laptop and rush to the hospital, where I find out that I have testicular cancer.  Luckily it's operable, and I have the tumor removed right away.  I made a quick, full recovery.  The damnedest thing about it, though, is that when I finally got back home, the laptop is gone, and so is my fucking bike!