How do I stop supporting people?

My dad just put me on the phone with his friend for 20 minutes and we discussed his shitty McAfee and the worm he keeps getting and his system restore and explorer crashes.

I would be fine with helping the guy out, BUT I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW. Is there some sort of end-all solution to this shit? I feel bad for them and want to help them out, but the only way I could do that would be to go over their house with pirated shit and sit there and delete startup entries and do a scan.

What do you guys do? This shit is such an onus, it gets me so depressed knowing how reliant they are on my silly advice, and it's so time consuming.

P.S. FUCK YOU WINDOWS, THANKS FOR YOUR FUCKING DEFAULT PORT LISTENS REAL FUCKING GENIUS ASSHOLES

Tell him to get a new hard drive. Next, after he installs os and updates etc., tell him to get things such as Opera, Adaware, and so on. Finally, tell him that if he doesn't update his software, doesn't run the software AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK, doesn't stop going to websites in hijackable webbrowers like IE, and doesn't stop opening every damn thing he gets in his mail/ running everything he can get his hands on, THEN IT'S HIS FUCKING PROBLEM IF HE CAN'T LEARN. And he should simply not use the internets. If you don't want to tell him yourself, just print the comments from this page, put them in an unmarked evelope, and put the letter in his mailbox... while noone is looking, cause that's a fellony if you're caught 8D