How do I stop supporting people?

My dad just put me on the phone with his friend for 20 minutes and we discussed his shitty McAfee and the worm he keeps getting and his system restore and explorer crashes.

I would be fine with helping the guy out, BUT I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HOW. Is there some sort of end-all solution to this shit? I feel bad for them and want to help them out, but the only way I could do that would be to go over their house with pirated shit and sit there and delete startup entries and do a scan.

What do you guys do? This shit is such an onus, it gets me so depressed knowing how reliant they are on my silly advice, and it's so time consuming.

P.S. FUCK YOU WINDOWS, THANKS FOR YOUR FUCKING DEFAULT PORT LISTENS REAL FUCKING GENIUS ASSHOLES

I always fix my friends' computer problems because it's easy and a good reason to hang out. This town is so boring we usually end up doing nothing and going back home.