Thief counter measures

I currently own a laptop (MS XP) and read the article:

http://macscripter.net/articles/173_0_10_0_C/

Is there a program that is recommendeded to allow remote and UNDETECTED access to a laptop if it ever gets stolen by stupid thieves (assuming that they don't know how to reformat and there is a unpassworded account) ?

>>1
What

1. There's no undetected access
2. If it gets stolen, you want to have a self destructing device which kills everybody 3 metres from it
3. If they steal your laptop they will get rid of your crap and install theirs.

>>3
CMOS RESET FTW