wannabe writer..

please rate this text :

lSinful
and thus he was trown into the gates of hell never to escape form his damnation.
Gabriel the 2th was now nothing but a demon in the all mighty lord eyes, he had lost his wings, burned away by the morning sun, he had managed to cover most of himself from the sunlight with his now scorched off wings.

luckily for the sinful outcast he had managed to safe his sword, a beacon of hope, that he knew he could use. unfortunatly for the poor outcast he was never to return to the heavens again, his greatest hope, if you could call it hope at all, was to get to the
surface and live his now mortal life as simple human. His wish was to life the rest of his days as a humble peasent, he knew he couldn't be a monk, entering any temple would place the lords attention on him and he knew he wouldn't want that.

he had been trown down to the 4th layer of hell, the place for the lustfull and other sinners that  let satan guide their ways. The surroundings looked like the insides of an ancient cave, just massive, demons flying across Gabriel's path, the ceiling looked like mountains that had covered the sky, if you looked close enough you could see the next layer of hell, further below, gabriel knew he had to stay clear of the clifft and not fall down to the lower layers, as those who were damned there suffered a worse faith, one that Gabriel the outcast wouldn't want to imagine.

Gabriel was trown on the egde of the 4th layer, just above a pit full of sinners, they were screaming in pain, tortured by different kinds of melting metal tools, to punish them for giving into the desires of their body. As the outcast walked around this open pit, he didn't feel any remorse for these damned souls, not a single feeling of pity for them, as a former angel, he knew that they were paying for their own sins and that he was aswell.

soon after getting around the pit, Gabriel saw a few demons stading in his path, he was just bare butt and had no place on his person to hide his sword, so he took it in his right hand and walked to their right side, hoping that they might not notice the holy cross on it or just it's general shininess.

even with his poor atempt to hide his sword, he forget a basic thing about these demons, they were a bunch of lusty desires and he was the only livin thing around, they would have seen or smelled him from miles away."

please look past any spelling errors, as i wrote this on my phone and i have spellcheck turned off, because i write faster than that.

this is just a story i am writing for a friend, i really want to be a writer someday and this is just casual practice for me, i wrote it all whilst sitting in a bar drinking alittle.

makes me think that this board is dead (−_−＃)

i'll see if bird likes this.

Proof read your text, no-one likes to read something with no capitals and filled with typos.
Do not present your work to anyone in such a half-baked manner, or you'll get half-baked replies, like this one.
Now get off 4chan and write more, you need practice.

>>1
I get it. You were clearly inspired by the video game on XBOX360 that was a rip-off of "God of War". I believe it was called "Dante's Inferno".

http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=397136
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-62k0k1dpQ-Y/UA3rprfrGkI/AAAAAAAAAiA/obRgKIkAiHY/s1600/dantes+inferno.jpg

>>5

You seem to be forgetting Dante's Inferno was an epic written in the 14th century.

Thusly, thrown into the gates of hell to never escape his damnation, Gabriel the 2th was nothing but a demon in the lord's eyes. He had lost his wings. He was burned away by the morning sun(??). He had managed to covet himself from the sunlight that scorched wings and desecrated him as Angel.

The sinned outcast had managed to save his sword(What kind of sword? Be edgy.); a beacon of hope for the poor outcast whom was never to return to Heaven again. His greatest desire was was to climb, retrieve to, conquer the surface and live a new mortal life as simply, human. Gabriel the 2nd found dignity to live a life on the farm, working like a protestant, as a peasant.Gabriel could covet himself from the monks. As a peasant he wouldn't have to enter any temple that would place God's attention on him. Derisive and bothered, he refused to give, nor receive God's attention.


This is a sample of what terrible writing is. Your "writing" isn't writing at all, it's a collaboration in your spirit's wayward desire to put letters together. I don't have a phone I can write in and I certainly can't afford beer. Lucky you.

Good Day Sir.