Criticisms?

I'm writing for practise, and the first few paragraphs feel off.

Fires flickers, dances, and wraps around me; it brushes past my cheek like my mother had, and reminds me of simple times. But why do I remember laughter, when I see a destroyer, a burner, my possible killer? I deny its hospitality, it does not know what it is doing, and I crawl away. I feel so cold. It forms patch of charred grass, a safe spot for me as it backs away, and I thank it. For an instrument of destruction - fire is kind.
I lay on the grass, and I’m trying to remember why I’m here. My thoughts feel scattered; my mind is cloudy. The fire is distracting me. It is a troublemaker aflame that circles me, taunts me, waiting for my next move. I feel will-less against it, and my mind knows I can move, but my body refuses. Now I’m still on the grass with nothing else to do, but think.
The fire does not bother me much - it is more of a nuisance, a distraction towards something I was trying to-
I remember. I was figuring out why I was here, and how it all happened. Some things come to mind - I was on a wooden caravan, towards the Capital, it was attacked by bandits, there was something important on the caravan - something I treasured. I feel like I need to find it, even if it’s just a memory leading me.

Grammar plz k thx bai

http://www.thewebcomiclist.com/o/8538

You're over punctuating and unless your character is fireproof it makes no goddamn sense. Also define your pronouns every 3-4 sentences, otherwise people don't know what "it" is referring to.

its too disassociated from reality. that's a style in itself, but I think you should land the reader on something solid instead of constantly floating around int he guys head. it adds depth and a sense of reality if everything is not just abstract and disconnected thought patterns of a wandering mind. that is probably what you were aiming for, but the trick is to make it connected and simple enough so that the reader can see its disconnected and abstractly strange

SMELL DAT ASS.

Way too much punctuation.

I'm here to nitpick.

You're writing for practiCe.

1st sentence - are you being licked by flames, or surrounded by several fires? Your options are "Fire flickers, dances..." or "Fires, flicker, dance...". Maybe "Flames flicker,...".
2nd sentence - we know fire burns, you can cut that and leave the more personifying descriptions.
3rd sentence - I kind of see the couple of ideas you have there, ie, the idea that the flames curling around are like inviting hands, and the idea that it really isn't inviting you - it's dead, not self-aware. I think you could communicate it better though, maybe by highlighting it's personification more before denying the idea as absurd and crawling away. Next, you're crawling "away", but the way you say it sort of implies you know where you need to go to get away. Also, this is the first point the reader knows you aren't standing, so it's possible the reader needs to rewind in his/her head the previous few sentences of data to correct. Afterwards you mention the hole of charred grass opening up, but by the will of the fire, not anticipated by you. If it's not anticipated, I'd change "crawl /away/" to something else. If it is, you should clarify where/why you know where 'away' is. Wouldn't hurt to hint ahead of time that you're on the ground. Keep in mind that more commonly crawling is done facing the ground, laying down typically on your back. You'll want to specify differently if that's what you're doing. I think you can lose the 'aflame' on troublemaker, since you mention the fire in the previous sentence. Also, yeah, too much punctuation in there. You could probably get rid of some redundant description. Then your mind knows you can move, but is it really your body refusing? That would mean you're trying but your muscles physically aren't moving. That's in conflict with the idea that you are will-less. Perhaps your mind knows you can move, but you just plain don't move (your mind isn't giving any orders). Or, you aren't will-less, but helpless. Next, something distracts /from/ the thing you were trying to do. A distraction is preventing, like something holding 'from' or pushing 'away', not towards. It may distract 'towards' something that you weren't trying to do originally, such as running away trying not to get burned. The wooden caravan - was it /traveling/ towards the CapitOl, or was it just located towards the CapitOl? If it was just staying put I might say "near" instead of "towards", else add another word so the reader doesn't waste cycles filling the ambiguity. Or was it attacked by bandits near the CapitOl? Possibly clarify your 'facts' and break into more sentences. You have the story clear in your head, I think you're just forgetting to put all the details on the page. It probably seems fuller when you read it, since you have the full version in your brain already, but the fact that it feels off to you tells me you're capable of filling in those holes if you're careful to look for them.

Oh, and if it's a memory leading you, how come you can't remember what you're looking for? Maybe a shadow of a memory, a broken memory, or just a feeling or emotion, or perhaps more like "even if I don't remember why".

It took an entire summer, as well as $100 worth of Blockbuster-fees; but I did it… I searched through the lower rung of cheap horror movies at my local rental-store. 85% of the films lived up to their cheap cover-art, lackluster casts, and un-appealing synopses. They were dead-fish. Rotten movies that only inspired a sense of resentment for picking one box instead of the next. A few, however, stood out.

When you rent every horror film available: you sift through the shit and find those little diamonds that were almost thrown out. These are the diamonds you cannot throw out.

5.  Blood Car

Set in the near future, this film has an odd approach to explaining our apocalyptic fate: gas prices! In fact, cars are obsolete in this story. Archie Andrews (played by Mike Brune) is a vegan who aspires to inventing an engine that runs on vegan smoothies. And it’s not working-out. The engine only roars to life after Archie accidentally cuts his hand and bleeds on it. Soon enough, the hippie naturalist who once hated the killing of any living being, is lured-in by the prospect of being the only one in town to have a running car. Now, anyone and anything filled with blood, becomes a possible fuel-source.

Listing this films nominations, wins, and nods would be impossible in this short article. The entire budget for the film was $125,000. And yes, it is evident in the fact that the film is grainy, the sound isn’t perfect and Anna Chlumsky (“My Girl”; “My Girl 2”) is the only actor you’ll recognize. Still, the story is wonderful enough to earn a spot on this list. By far, an underrated movie.

VIEW TRAILER BELOW:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxMwNxMu78Q

4.  Black Cadillac

Based on a true story, ‘Black Cadillac’ tells the story of four teenage boys who go out to a bar in the country to drink while underage and score some lonely girls stuck in a small town. A fight in the bar forces them to head back home prematurely. A hundred mile drive back to the city doesn’t seem that bad at first, but they’re being followed by a mysterious black Cadillac. Whoever—or whatever—is driving the Cadillac seems hell-bent on terrorizing the already frightened boys. After hours of taunting by the unknown car, the boys face facts and admit that they might never make it back home.

Honestly? The synopsis didn’t intrigue me either. The only reason I agreed to rent it, was the fact that the movie’s logo was a great design: ‘Black Cadillac’ in broad letters, formed into the chrome logo that was on the classic Caddies.  After watching the film once, I immediately went back and watched again. Then I watched it with the director’s commentary. Listening to the director re-live everything that happened on the night that inspired the story, added a new dimension to the film. The actors in the film were low-key as well—nobody too famous, but good actors. This helped develop the characters well—you have an instant relationship with every character introduced. Randy Quaid (‘Vacation;’ ‘Independence Day’) is, however, a recognizable face, and plays a character he was born to play: creepy local sheriff. Don’t go the rest of your life without seeing this movie… Like other films on this list, you can find it for a bargain-price.

VIEW TRAILER BELOW:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMummmLUDNk

3.  Terror Tract

A newlywed couple goes house-hunting with their trusty realtor, played by John Ritter (“Three’s Company”; “IT”). Problem? Every house shown by their nervous agent has a tawdry and murderous past, needing to be explained in-detail before the buyers can make their decision.

My girlfriend and I rented this movie for one reason only: John Ritter. He had just passed away, so seeing this movie on the shelf made us want to find out what the hell it was all about. Unknowingly, we stumbled onto one of the greatest horror-comedies ever made. It was the perfect balance of horror and comedy. Both mine and my girlfriend’s families were big in the real estate business at the time; so, of course, we loved the idea of a realtor that only had ‘haunted houses’ to show his clients.

When it comes to famous faces, this movie will take you by surprise… A low-budget, fun movie with appearances by actors and actresses that make you ask, “Hey, what other movies were they in?”A decade after first seeing it, I am still looking for any extra copies of the original release. Trust me… If you see it in your movies store, or in the bargain-bin—don’t pass it up.

VIEW TRAILER BELOW:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW8MNesgmhw

2.  The Tripper

Hippies Beware! It’s the biggest outdoor concert of the year—a festival of peace and love. What could go wrong? Well… A homicidal maniac who thinks he’s Ronald Reagan could show up, bent on slaughtering all those filthy hippies.

From writer/director/actor/famous family/husband of Courtney Cox (David Arquette), comes this gem. Starring David Arquette, Courtney Cox, Jason Mewes, Balthazar Getty, and more: this film was David Arquettes subtly-political commentary on the state of our country. Drugs, hippies, the government, concert-promoters, and animal-rights activists; all are fair-game in Arquette’s satirical story. And really? Why wouldn’t you want to watch a b-movie that has an axe-wielding Ronald Reagan as the villain?

VIEW TRAILER BELOW:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbNWnyOeKJw

1: Carriers

Upon seeing the cover of this film, I was worried… “What is this? SyFy Channel’s version of 28 weeks later?” I commented to myself.  Thankfully, this presumption didn’t deter me from renting this movie.

First lines of the movie were, again, overused and bland: rules for surviving the post-apocalyptic world where disease has devastated mankind, teenage survivors learning how to cope with the new world… Even the cast-members kept me uneasy: Chris Pine (Star Trek [2009]) in the lead? Either this guy agreed to make a terrible movie at the height of his success, or this movie will hit a note. Honestly? I think he made the perfect decision. Though the movies starts slow, the plot, climax and ending made the movie.

I still can’t tell if this is a true-horror film, or a drama with horror-overtones, but the bottom line is: I actually cried at the end of the film. As a writer, my job is to create characters and put them into horrible situations; hoping that readers will grow an emotional connection to those characters. Then, I am supposed to torment them. This movie sucked me in and enamored me—I felt the characters and felt their pain.

Though this movie is fairly-hard to find; it shouldn’t be in the bargain-bin… This is an artistic piece that should be remembered and enjoyed by everyone.

VIEW TRAILER BELOW:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwH4bxNK8Os

I sifted through all the marked-down movies, the throw-aways, the bombs, the rotten tomatoes… Of all the bad scripts, worse actors and lacking budgets, these are the best. Rent them, purchase them, over-borrow them from your roommate—I don’t care. But watch them.