I met a girl a bit over a month ago and we connected pretty much instantly. Over the course of a few weeks we ended up closer than I've ever been with a person before (not exaggerating in the least). We were working together on an event for those weeks and we spent a lot of time together and things progressed quickly. The event came and went and everyone pretty much recognized us as a couple.
I live in another state and we were prepared to do whatever it took to make a long distance relationship work. It was fine for me because I enjoy road trips and could go most any weekend to visit. I scheduled next weekend to go stay with her.
We'd been talking on the phone/text/IM/etc nearly every day. One of our long conversations on the phone we ended up on the topic of faith. I knew it was pretty important to her, she's the church going type and belongs to a religious student group and much of her future goals are oriented around that. I, on the other hand, have only been in a church for weddings and funerals. I find the religious texts teach good morals and ethics, but religion doesn't really have much of a place in my life. We explain our positions to each other and I try to make it clear that I support what she's doing but that it isn't quite as huge to me (now) as it is and has been to her.
Fast forward to last night. She calls me quite late and I knew something was wrong. We make a bit of small talk about our weekends and she asks if I remember our discussion from the other night and of course I do. At this point I can tell she's practically in tears from the sound of her voice. She reiterates how important faith and spirituality is to her and goes on to say that since we last talked, her feelings had changed. At this point I'm completely dumbfounded and speechless. Have you ever had an absolute sure thing and then had the rug pulled out from under you at the last second? I attempt to reiterate my support but I can tell she's thought long and hard about this and there's no longer a chance for me to change her mind. We share a few more minutes of awkwardness and wishing each other well and after a minute or two of silence we finally say goodbye and hang up. Out of any fault she could find with me, it had to be something where I couldn't even make a conscious effort to change if I wanted to. She needs someone that can stand with her in in equal footing in spirit, and I'm just not guy.
Remember that scene in Full Metal Jacket where they beat the crap out of Pvt Pyle with the soap bars wrapped in towels? I'm feeling like that and have been for the last 24 hours. This was the beginning of my new life with the person I was sure was "the one" and in under thirty minutes it was all gone. This all started before I knew of this challenge, but now that everything has come crashing down so quickly I felt I should pass along my experience with you guys. Be careful with love, it's a double edged sword and the side facing you is jagged and rusty. I don't think there's ever been a point in my life where I've felt this dead inside, and I haven't shed a single tear in ten years but I cried like a bitch last night (I held my cool while we talked, least). I'll attempt to forget about her but likely fail miserably. Any girl I meet in the future will inevitably be compared to this girl and that's not fair to anyone.
I had hoped that taking the time to write all this would ease my pain a bit, but frankly, it's only made things worse. Thanks anyway for reading my wall of text and I wish you all the best in your journeys of love.